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I've been told I have a tendency to "date down," but other than that I don't have any way to justify our relationship other than to say that I'm fucking stupid. Although he was a nice guy, he wasn't the smartest or the best looking. To be fair, his dick was big and a lot of weight to carry. Once we realized our teacher had an online Scrabble addiction and the fucking pope could walk into the classroom with all the Cardinals and our teacher would never notice, we no longer found sex exciting. I know the stereotype about girls falling for jackasses, but that's not how our relationship started.

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But after a certain point, screwing around during class got old.

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The first semester of freshman year, Kiki and I drove up from Virginia Tech, where we had been partying, to spend a couple of nights blacking out at UMD, where I actually go to school. I know that 60 percent of you will read this, call me a slut, and think, What kind of fucked-up household did this girl live in? I told Kiki I'd give her a free bottle of Burnett's if she blew my boyfriend. It wasn't even because we wanted to fuck all the timeā€”it was because everyone was so bored, we thought, Hey, we might as well diddle each other and see who gets caught first.

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